Conflict is an inevitable part of life's journey. Whether we're reclusive or sociable, negative encounters with family, friends, neighbours, colleagues and others are bound to happen at some stage, bringing the potential for friction. Sometimes it's a fleeting moment, like a stressful encounter with an aggressive driver. Other times, it's a more hurtful event that lingers, causing ongoing stress and impacting our ability to cope with future challenges.
Feeling wronged, hurt, and angry is a common reaction. We often replay the incident in our minds, dwelling on the damage done and the injustice we feel. This emotional turmoil intensifies when the conflict involves someone close to us, like a sibling or a best friend.
Dwelling on this type of inner rage isn't just emotionally taxing—it's physically damaging too. Our anger can become addictive, reinforcing our sense of victimhood and justifying our need to stand our ground. However, this perpetual state of outrage, indignation and resentment leads to increased stress, diminished self-control, and can even contribute to long-term health issues like depression.
Think of each conflict as a rock you carry in a backpack. Over time, these rocks weigh us down, affecting our mental and physical well-being. So, how do we lighten our load?
The answer lies in forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn't about letting the wrongdoer off the hook or condoning their actions. It's about prioritising your own well-being. It's acknowledging the harm done to you, recognising that you don't deserve it, and choosing to release yourself from the burden of anger.
It's important to note that forgiveness doesn't always lead to reconciliation or repairing damaged relationships. It's simply a personal decision to free yourself from the weight of bitterness and resentment.
Forgiveness has profound effects on our health and resilience. It reduces stress, lowers blood pressure and boosts our immune system. It's a transformative process that requires effort, but the results really are worth it.
Letting go of the hope for a fair outcome and putting aside feelings of injustice can be challenging. However, by committing to the process of forgiveness, we liberate ourselves from the grip of anger and help ourselves to find peace within.
So next time you feel you feel wronged, consider working through the following steps:
Name the Conflict: Reflect on the conflict you experienced and identify the person involved.
Express Your Feelings: Acknowledge and express the emotions the conflict stirred within you. Were you hurt, angry, or disappointed? Write down your feelings or discuss them with a trusted friend or partner.
Recognise the Impact: Consider how these feelings affected you. Did they manifest physically? Did they impact your work, relationships or self-worth?
Identify the Wrongdoing: Reflect on why you believe the person's actions were wrong, unacceptable or unreasonable.
Practice Empathy: Consider possible reasons behind the person's behaviour. While this doesn't excuse their actions, it can help minimise resentment and foster understanding.
List the Benefits of Forgiveness: Identify three ways you'll benefit from letting go of the grudge. Will you feel more relaxed? Will it improve your relationships? Will you be able to focus better on your goals?
Commit to Forgiveness: Make a firm decision to forgive the person -for your own well-being, not theirs. Write down this pledge and share it with someone close to you.
Consider the Lessons Learned: Find a lesson in the experience. What have you learned and how will you apply this in the future?
Taking time to do this truly is a gift to yourself and allows you to put yourself first and forge ahead with optimism and resilience. This, in turn, creates the space for more positive feelings to define your outlook and life experiences on your pathway to optimum well-being!